Fishy smells and slime - a buyer's guide

Looking at my StatCounter page, I'm surprised at the amount of people Googling for things like, 'My steamed crab tastes like ammonia. That's okay, yeah?'

So. Some tips. Raw seafood should smell like the ocean. Fish, prawns, crabs and their brethren should look as if they've just been taken from the water. You've been fishing, right? Freshly caught fish don't smell overly 'fishy', do they? Fish bought at the shops shouldn't either. And they certainly shouldn't smell like cleaning products. Fish shouldn't be slimy, either.

I don't know about where you live, but I live close to a few fishmongers. If I ever walk in to a place and instantly feel my stomach turn because the place reeks to high heaven, I turn around and leave. Forget what the sales assistant says. If the seafood that's on display has a really strong smell, it's not fresh. Don't waste your money. Find another fishmonger.

In the case of crabs, lobsters and other crustaceans, try and find a fishmonger that sells them live. When crabs and lobsters die, they rapidly decompose. Something you kill immediately before or during the cooking process will taste better. Too, when you buy something live, you know it's fresh. When buying live crabs and lobsters, look for the ones that are really feisty. If they're just sulking at the bottom of the tank, pick another. Lobster and crab aren't cheap, generally, so be fussy. If a fishmonger is only selling rubbish, he doesn't deserve your money. Don't be so fixated on the idea of having lobster for dinner that you ignore the tell-tale signs of poor quality.

With prawns, buy whole, uncooked prawns. Buy whole fish in generally, really. It's easier to see if it's fresh. The eyes should be clear. And yeah, as I said, the fish should look as if it's just been pulled from the water. Note that some fishmongers will sell live fish--'live' as in they'll kill it to order. That's maybe the best way, aside from catching the fish yourself, of ensuring what you're buying is fresh.

With oysters, only buy them if you see them being shucked on site. Oysters will keep for about a week in the fridge, but they're better when they're freshly shucked. In the ideal world, you'd buy an oyster knife and learn to shuck them yourself.

Too, if you live in an area with a lot of oriental immigrants, consider yourself blessed. The Japanese, Chinese and Vietnamese eat a lot of seafood. There should be a lot of places catering to that market. Pay attention to what the grandmothers buy. If you see a few old biddies take one look at the snapper and walk away, shaking their heads in disgust, it's probably best to follow their lead and avoid the snapper.

There are too many terrible fishmongers around, foisting rubbish onto unsuspecting and ignorant customers. Whether you're intending on buying cheap, 'trash' fish like skate or premium stuff like lobsters and mud crabs, you must be fussy. Don't accept rubbish. If you get burnt by a business, don't give them a second chance. Surely someone else is more willing to provide you with quality produce.

Unless you're buying frozen seafood, when you buy is important. Never buy seafood on a Sunday, Monday or the day after a public holiday. Fishermen work from Monday to Friday. Friday's catch arrives in stores on Saturday morning. Therefore, what you buy on Monday arrived in store on Saturday morning. Yes, I know, some seafood--mussels, say--lasts 'a while' in the fridge, but the quality quickly deteriorates. As a rule, buy fresh seafood only on the day you're intending on using it.

When it comes to handling seafood, perhaps the most important thing to remember is to not wet the seafood. The last time fish should come into contact with water, unless you're poaching, is when they're taken out of the river or the sea. When filleting and gutting a fish, you should do it dry. Cleaning a fish the dry way is a slower process, but it produces better results. Washing out the gut cavity gets rid of all the natural oils in the fish's flesh. And those oils are flavour. Be wary of fishmongers who, when asked to clean a fish, hold the poor thing under running water while they work.

When pin boning fish fillets or cutlets, it's important to use tweezers. Your fingers will simply make a mess of the job. Dedicate a pair of tweezers to the task or buy a specialist pin boning tool. Some fish mongers may take care of this task for you.

Don't write off seafood that's frozen or somehow preserved. Crocodile, while arguably more game meat than seafood, is always sold frozen. Scampi is generally sold frozen. And it's fine. Really. Too, put aside your experiences with the canned seafood you've picked up in supermarkets in the past, as canned tuna from Spain is very good and works well as a filling in savoury pastries. Indeed, this is the same canned tuna used in tapas bars in Spain. That being said, most canned seafood is rubbish.